I hate when I get into this place where nothing I do seems to help.
I was having a really tough day all by myself and my sister calls. She is upset and having a difficult time and I didn’t know what to say to do. I wasn’t supportive and I made her cry more. Support person #1 not available for me.
I call my husband, no answer. I send a string of texts, no reply. Support person #2 not available for me.
I was going to therapy today but she had to cancel. Support person #3 not available for me.
That’s all the support people I have that know the truth about me.
Alone, just me and the not so friendly neighborhood of the head.
Since none of the healthy alternatives have worked my mind has drifted off to the not so healthy alternatives of relief. I wish I hadn’t made my sister cry. Now if I ended all of this she would think it was her fault even though it isn’t. What a thing to keep you from killing yourself.
I was going to work on processing some of the garbage in my head Thursday night but now I don’t know if I should be alone all night or not. I waited too late to take care of me. Same pattern over and over.
I have to get a grip. Not going to another mental hospital again!
Alice is a bad girl!