I just don’t understand why I can’t keep myself out of the pit of despair lately. I have been trying, really trying and here I am again. I actually don’t even want to post about it here because I feel ashamed.
It feels likes I’m caught in the grips of something that is smarter than I am. The more I fight the harder it tries to pull me down. It’s a struggle that happens each day.
I am doing some positive things. I’m trying to start equine psychotherapy. I called this morning to schedule my intake appointment.
I’m struggling a lot with rejection. The inpatient facility that rejected me has caused a cascade of overwhelming feelings about rejection. I feel like I should be rejected by everyone. I feel like I should reject myself. I realized I have parts that have been rejected, actually everyone believes they are dead. I don’t feel sorry for them.
I’m in trouble again and I’m not sure what to do.